One Year Reflections…has it really been that long?

Well, a year has come and gone in Rwanda, which means we have just over a year left in this amazing country. I figured that now would be an excellent time to reflect on what has happened and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year.

When we arrived in Rwanda, everyone was quick to say that the days would be long, but the weeks would be short, which no one believed as we were struggling through the packed schedule of PST (pre-service training), but boy were they right. Some days it feels like I’ve been at school for ten hours when it’s only been 3 or 4, while other days I have actually been there for 10 hours, though it feels like 3, and I’m begging myself to go home to my bed. The latter usually means I’ll be asleep by 7:30 without eating dinner and often with my door unlocked (luckily I usually wake up a few hours later to lock the doors and turn off the lights), while the former means I’ll be taking an afternoon nap or watching some Glee or How I Met Your Mother. But as Monday ends, Tuesday brings a morning mental struggle to get up and go to school, Wednesday is a little easier because I’m excited for evening aerobic with the local shopkeepers, and then suddenly the weekend is over and it’s Monday again.

So what have I accomplished? What do I wish I had accomplished? What went well? What was a major failure? What do I love about my life and what continues to be a challenge? For the most part, things have gone as planned (minus the little incident in February when all my valuables were stolen). All of the inefficiencies, long waits (“African time”), lack of information, and general un-organization have been as expected. Something that is supposed to start at 9 usually starts at 11 and often you don’t know about it until you’re sitting at home and get a call asking where you are.

What has been surprising has been people’s lack of trust towards others; the other person is always assumed to be lying or misleading you, which I hate. I like to think the best of everyone until proven otherwise, while Rwandans seem to assume the worst until proven otherwise. They are so reserved and it really takes some time to break them down and form really meaningful relationships with them. I can count a handful of people who I have accomplished this with and really wish it wasn’t so difficult. Even today, a shopkeeper said, “Sarah, you really like to smile. You are always smiling and laughing.” And I responded, “Yes, I love to smile/laugh. It is good for you.” Sadly there are not many opportunities to have a good laugh in daily life. I try to get my smiling and laughing in at school with my kids. Walking around town you might smile and wave at someone or greet them with a smile, but a good ab-exhausting, tear-rendering laugh is hard to come by.

The first year of PC has been about settling in, building relationships, and really getting comfortable with my primary assignment – teaching. Just as I was settling in in February, I was uprooted and moved to a different community, which really was a challenge. In the village I had gotten to know people, had a routine, and was generally comfortable. But when I moved, I was really busy at school and didn’t have the time to devote to meeting a lot of new people, which was really stressful. It took about 3 months for things to really feel comfortable. I now know a lot of the shopkeepers that work around my house; the children know my name; and though I don’t go into the village as much as I’d like, people know me and will approach me and greet me as I walk by.

For the most part I’ve been happy with my school; they have given me a lot of freedom to do what I’d like and to propose ideas for projects/programs to the administration. I really wish I had more help from teachers and administrators, but they always want money or food as compensation for “volunteering”, which isn’t realistic or feasible. I was really upset one day when another NGO came to ask about our ideas for school feeding and after we shared our ideas they gave every person 2500 RWF (what I spend at the market in a week), which just inflates their expectations of always receiving a handout. Rwanda has received a lot of handouts since the Genocide, which has really stalled the development of social responsibility/mobilization and volunteerism because people expect (a) to have things done for them, or (b) to be given money or food. But there are some people who are willing to help just because they think something is a good idea, but unfortunately there are only a few teachers at my school who fit that description.

Things that have gone well this year: English Club for students and primary teachers; a school feeding program with shared investment from the school and parents; a leadership and responsibility workshop for student leaders and administrators; and of course teaching and seeing an improvement in both English and critical thinking from my students.

My biggest failure, if you will, has been the lack of English club for secondary school teachers. I’m not all that sad about it because, to be honest, I’m kinda tired of teaching English; I teach all day and then have 2 English clubs, so not having one for secondary isn’t all that disheartening. Furthermore, I feel like I have a whole lot more to offer than just my English skills, so I’d rather spend my time doing other projects that not only help the school, but also challenge me a little.

So what do I think about this past year? I genuinely feel like I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now. This last year has allowed me to observe a lot of concepts and ideas I studied at Hopkins and worked on for both of my theses. I have realized I don’t want to be a teacher forever, but I still love education policy, especially why it is structured the way it is, and how it is implemented at the local level. I am surrounded by adults and children who surprise me each and every day and really make the best of what they have.

At the start of university, my friends and family probably couldn’t picture me running off to Africa with the Peace Corps. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind at that point. But, here I am loving the good and bad of living in Rwanda. As I started to travel more, I began to think of myself having two personalities. First, there’s the Sarah who went to a private high school and then to a private university; is materialistic; doesn’t like to get dirty; and despite her best efforts to help people, sometimes finds herself thinking that she’s better than those she is working to help. Then there’s the “Africa Sarah” who loves everything about African cultures and lifestyles; wants to live and work with the locals; doesn’t wear makeup and often wears the same pants multiple days in a row; washes her hair once a week-ish; is more patient; is always ready to get dirty and work with the community to clean or build classrooms; and most importantly, really has no interest in the material things that often seemed to define who she was.

I’m really happy with how I have changed, adapted, and really evolved (I know it’s cheesy) over the last year. Though I’m sure some changes have been the result of the environment, but I hope some of them stick (like being patient…I’d like to wash my hair more than once a week). I’m sure in a year I’ll return home and shop at J.Crew and Vineyard Vines and assume my New Englander identity, but I really hope I come home with an unshakable desire to work with people and genuinely understand who they are and how they live and remember that I have lived in a difficult environment and can relate to them in one way or another. Going to a good school, you begin to think that you know all, and though I feel like a lot of the time I can help find solutions to simple problems, I have realized that I have a long way to go before I have any right to step in and say, “This is what you need to do…” At this point, I am happy with who I have become, what I have accomplished, and the relationships I have formed and that’s enough. I know when I get home I will want to go back to school and know more about everything I saw in Rwanda and how some things can be changed, but for right now, I am OK with just “being” and living this life.

What will the future bring? The one year mark is a time to not only look back, but also look forward. In a month I will be co-directing a 5-day leadership camp for girls, which I am really excited about. Come January, I’ll be back to teaching, clubs, soccer, and who knows what other random projects will pop up. It’s crazy to think that come January, we will only have 11 months left in Rwanda. So of course I have started thinking about my return, and to be honest, I’m terrified. I have already woken up once having a panic attack about technology (got a new cell phone that had internet and apps which scared me). I’m afraid of supermarkets and spending money; having a choice of food (was dreaming about jelly beans and woke up chewing an ear plug :/ ); driving and going on a highway; answering the question “how was it?”; relating with people who were at home while I was in Africa; and most of all, people not showing interest or caring in what I have experienced. I know I have a long way to go before any of these things become a reality, but considering how quick this first year went and how fast everyone says the second year goes in comparison, it’ll be time to COS (close of service) soon enough.

Sorry this post was ridiculously long; it is mostly for me to recap everything that has happened since I have been horrible about keeping a journal.